The Ratio


A question: what is the karma:schadenfreude ratio? I can’t seem to get an answer that satisfies.

What I mean is, how much do I get to celebrate someone else’s misfortunes before karma bites me in the ass?

This is important to me because Karma is probably the only thing that keeps me in line. I know this because of every single thing I do. If I even think of a bad thing happening to someone, that thing will happen to me. If I giggle at someone falling down the stairs, arms and legs pinwheeling so hilariously that it renders even the most morose crippled in hilarity, I know that I’ll slip and tumble faster and more wildly with my next step.

“…I don’t care if he is my boss. That guy is a total assh–Oh Hey! Didn’t see you standing there…behind me…listening…–shit–”

Every time.

Knowing this, the temptation is still so there. It whispers in my ear, “Come on, Molly. He bounced, like, 4 times! That was hilarious! And he was a total dick. Go on, you can laugh.” And I want to. So bad! Knowing that my next step will send me on my own trip down the stairs, I still want to guffaw and flip them the bird.

Ugh! It’s almost painful.

So, if there exists… if there were some kind of equation that could give me the odds…some kind of impartial measure with which to weigh the consequences v. giggles enjoyed, I could decide on my own whether or not to do it.

I know that my real decision should be, “don’t laugh at others’ misfortunes,” but when has that ever been a real option?


I’ve never been good at math, so, I’m just gonna buy a helmet and wait for you all to figure it out for me. Thanks!


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