I write awkward tales. Mostly funny. Usually true. Often truthfully funny.
*Small update of no update. Still worth the read… “Apparently, according to the letter I received today from the Los Angeles County Public Guardian, I’m dead. It’s been such a sublime, peaceful, extremely bright day today that I’m starting to question it myself. Though, in Heaven, I wouldn’t be out […]
I can tell this story because it was long enough ago and I think we can all agree that curiosity, wine and a debit card make for dubious decisions. Besides, you were all thinking about it at the time, I’m just the sucker who did it. It was a simpler […]
If there ever comes a time where I’m told it’s the end for me, here’s my plan: I’m throwing a huge party and everyone’s invited. Afterwards, while we spike my IV with Diet Coke and vodka, we’re playing the original Trivial Pursuit I’ve memorized by now and Pictionary (I get […]
It’s 2 am when I finally give up and move to the couch. I’m not going to sleep anymore. I can’t breathe through my nose. My nose squeaks like a garbage bag full of inflated balloons trying to fight their way out. So I hang my mouth open […]
I already knew what I was doing wasn’t a smart thing to do but sometimes “smart” gets superseded by “gotta get some”. I was going to his house to fool around with my ex that night and, not surprisingly, it got weird. Not in the way that you may think. […]
Jungle cats watching me pee is definitely a story that should be included in “There was this time…”
I’m in the doctor’s office, waiting as patiently as, well, a patient, looking at all the medically things in the cabinets. Just checking stuff out, opening drawers, stealing pens and giant Q-tips, misbalancing the scale, when I finally assess the paper drapes the nurse said I had to wear after […]
I went to our accountant, Travis’s office, to drop off stuff, which is my daily or every other daily. Their office shares the same reception area with another. It’s called Whitestone Research. I have no idea what that means but for the last year and 8 months, it has been […]
There are these fish that swim around on my computer’s desktop all day. If you click on the box, it feeds them. Just a couple clicks and they chase the little yellow dots of “food” and eat them. Well, now every time I open my browser, I have to feed […]
Awkwardist of tales that begat an Internet phenomenon.
