There was this time…(pt. 1)

Once Melinda and I came out of a restaurant in the Upper Village of Montecito after a long lunch and got into her car to go home. Long after I went through the CDs and wondered when she became a Art Garfunkel/John Oats fan... Long after she fully adjusted the driver’s seat, rearview mirror, shoulder... Continue Reading →

Which Would You Rather Have Nest in Your Hair?

Yeah, I know they don't fly. It was the least disgusting pic I could find. Back off. Kiss?Magnum PI-infestation is rampant on Oahu. Stay away. I only read this "viral" article because I remember my parents also thinking I had an imaginary friend when I told them about the little creature living outside my bedroom... Continue Reading →

All Your Thoughts Are Belong to Us

Sure, you TOTALLY have free will. Totally. Keep on thinking that, bro.


Servicing like I do. Barely.

Dismissed to Compete with a Gecko

I'm sorry to everyone who felt disrespected, insulted, ridiculed, and who clearly didn't get the humor.

Asshole-Attitude Pervasiveness

Why is being a woman so damn funny?

I’m Not a Bigger Person

Have you ever sat up nights dreaming of someone's demise? Have you ever focused so hard on someone getting their just desserts only to be disappointed by their head not exploding? Have you ever envisioned that someone running so hard, running hard but slower than you, from a bear? Or are you lame? Hm? Don't... Continue Reading →

A PSA for Our Public Servicers

I know that's not a good way to say that but I'm keeping it.  I happened to look over towards the sound of a freight truck sliding its back door shut and catch a glimpse of our new postal carrier. She's attractive, fit, peaceful, pleasant, and seems quite content with her duties. Being it such... Continue Reading →

The Ratio

A question: what is the karma:schadenfreude ratio? I can't seem to get an answer that satisfies. What I mean is, how much do I get to celebrate someone else's misfortunes before karma bites me in the ass? This is important to me because Karma is probably the only thing that keeps me in line. I... Continue Reading →

You Need Our Dark

My “assholeness”, you may have figured out by now, concerned reader, comes from a darker place. But that's just me. Not everyone's outlooks are made up of cherries and groovy disco, you know.

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