There was this time…(pt. 2)
like he just got out of a tumbling dryer
There was this time…(pt. 1)
I came out of a restaurant in the Upper Village of Montecito after a long lunch and got into her car to go home
All Your Thoughts Are Belong to Us
Sure, you TOTALLY have free will. Totally. Keep on thinking that, bro.
“Service”
Servicing like I do. Barely.
I’m Not a Bigger Person
Have you ever sat up nights dreaming of someone’s demise? Have you ever focused so hard on someone getting their just desserts only to be disappointed by their head not exploding? Have you ever envisioned that someone running so hard, running hard but slower than you, from a bear? Or […]
A PSA for Our Public Servicers
I know that’s not a good way to say that but I’m keeping it. I happened to look over towards the sound of a freight truck sliding its back door shut and catch a glimpse of our new postal carrier. She’s attractive, fit, peaceful, pleasant, and seems quite content with […]
The Ratio
A question: what is the karma:schadenfreude ratio? I can’t seem to get an answer that satisfies. What I mean is, how much do I get to celebrate someone else’s misfortunes before karma bites me in the ass? This is important to me because Karma is probably the only thing that […]
You Need Our Dark
My “assholeness”, you may have figured out by now, concerned reader, comes from a darker place. But that’s just me. Not everyone’s outlooks are made up of cherries and groovy disco, you know.
Born Without Fucks to Give
My hero: Calamity Jane
The New Road
I pray my new road to success is a bullet train powered by thinly-veiled resentment and mocking sarcasm because, so far, paying tolls with subservience and break-room-birthday-party-small-talk has gotten me nowhere.
