Tag: jerks

Are you a jerk looking to date?

Are you bored and regular dating sites aren’t doing it for you? Are the women you find not plentiful enough, too demanding, not tolerant, demand respect and to not live in fear and betrayal? Then you’ve come to the right place. Holyshitnotagain.com is the dating site for those who’ve been looking for that special someone with a special resilience.

  • Do you dream of meeting that one person you can take all the world’s problems out on?
  • Does the sight of someone happy make you want to punch it off their face?
  • Do you love coming up with new and interesting ways to destroy someone’s soul?
  • Do you hate your mother?
  • Do you love your mother too much?
  • Do you want to take all your issues you have with your mother out on someone?
  • Do you hate women?
  • Do you love all women often?
  • Does the truth make you want to just lie for no reason?
  • Does it make you happy to deny happiness to another?

Then we have the woman for you.

We, at holyshitnotagain.com, have the perfect woman for any closet-case, liar, cheater, trickster, and violent felon looking for temporary love. She’ll have dreams of a happy future with you, but it’s always temporary here at holyshitnotagain.com.

Meet Molly. Our newest and only star at holyshitnotagain.com.

She’s cute
She’s smart
She’s sexy
She’s a world traveller

And there’s something about her that just makes you want to smack that smug smile off her face. Cheat on her, smack her around, lie to her face, and she’ll keep coming back for more. No one knows resilience like this little filly. She’ll give you presents, make you delicious meals, cater to your every need without you ever doing anything but treat her like shit.

She’s perfect for anyone who:

Likes to cheat so much that it’s reported in the local newspaper
Prefers Molly’s closest friend and her drugs to Molly
Is a violent, psychopathic, narcissistic monster
Is a bible-banging, backstabbing, alcoholic hypocrite
is Married

Don’t worry, she’ll believe your lies. And, she’ll stick around long after you think you’ve exhausted all forms of degradation. One thing that Molly has, it’s resilience. She’s in it for the long haul, regardless of how temporary you’ve decided it would be without telling her.

Get her before she regains any self-confidence. The pickings are ripe here at holyshitnotagain.com.

You can be the next asshole to swoop up this charming piece of whipping post if you act fast.

Be careful, though. She has had some good men in her life and there’s a chance she’ll remember that fact before too long.

Behold the competition:

Applications accepted now! Don’t wait. Time’s running out. Offer ends when she finally pulls her head out of her ass.

Visit: yeahrightasshole.com

Advertisement

Dismissed to Compete with a Gecko

2 Comments

I had reservations about saying anything at all because of the age-old adages about living well being the best revenge, taking the high road, and not screwing some kind of something, maybe a snake or wiggling cat or something, because whatever. I don’t care. It’s my blog and I have a readership of almost 8. They demand satisfaction. You can’t stop a runaway train, my friends, and I must bend to the will of the people.

The irony is this rant was inspired by some dude whose biggest fear was that I would blog unfavorable things about him. Try not being a dick and you wouldn’t have to worry about it, genius. Besides, nothing to worry about here. There’s nothing to worry about a dismissed, disrespected, angry woman with freakish investigative skills and her own blog.

Why. Would. You. Worry?

See? Adorable.

Yeah, I thought this could go in a really bad direction, too. It’s not, really. Again, this blog is about slipping on banana peels, not forcefully shoving them into someone’s tailpipe until they cry. That would be mean.

And no one has ever accused me of…okay, people accuse me of being mean all the time. Because I can be. I’m not going to justify it or excuse it because it’s a shitty thing to do.

So, I’m sorry for being mean.

I’m sorry to everyone who felt disrespected, insulted, ridiculed, and who clearly didn’t get the humor.

However, I’m really good at it and you probably deserved it.

My purpose right now isn’t to be mean. It’s to make light of a stupid situation. To remove the weight that it doesn’t deserve. If someone feels like I may hinder their competition with a talking cartoon gecko, so be it. I can’t compete with that lofty goal. All I can do is take responsibility for my part in a no-win situation and walk away shaking my head.

Yes, pretty much just my head. My enormous, oddly angular, head. I’m okay with that. My almost 8 readers will agree that’s enough.

Almost 8 readers will also agree that it was all your fault.